Bloodsucka Jones vs. The Creeping Death Review – Cardboard Carnage, Chaos & Confusion

Let’s be honest, I hadn’t seen the original Bloodsucka Jones from 2013 before diving headfirst into Bloodsucka Jones vs. The Creeping Death, but who needs context when you’ve got zombies, a guy named Cheedo made out of what looks like laser-printed cardboard, and vampires doing sponge baths? Exactly.

Now available to stream on Amazon Prime, this sequel kicks off with a girl on roller skates who seems blissfully unaware that she’s about to become a horror movie statistic. Glowing-eyed zombies descend, and boom, enter Bloodsucka Jones, vampire hunter extraordinaire, all swagger and sideburns. Before the carnage kicks in, you’re treated to a cartoon recap of the first film, a useful touch for anyone, like me, who skipped the homework.

The Plot? Sort Of. Maybe. We Think.

Alright, here’s what I think is happening:

David meets Christine, but whoops, she’s a vampire. Christine’s brother Stewart is also undead and brings along his vampire entourage for some bloody family bonding. David teams up with Tony to rid the world of these fanged fiends, but they’re in over their heads, so they call in the big guns: Bloodsucka Jones and his vampire-slaying protégé Vanessa.

Somewhere in all this chaos, another vamp named Heather bites David, prompting Tony to kill him (tough love?). Christine then turns around and mows down Stewart with her car. The sequel opens post-car carnage with Stewart and David, now very much alive and… playing chess in a hospital?

Sure. Why not.

Stewart’s Identity Crisis and the Rise of the Zom-Bros

Apparently, Stewart is no longer a vampire because he bled out too much in the crash. Vampire logic: it’s a moving target. In his very human state, he decides to rally the zombies to wage war against the remaining vampires. Why? Motivation is foggy at best, but it involves sexy nurses, exotic accents, and a surprising amount of hospital sponge baths.

From there, things get wild, and not always in a good way.

Is This Horror Comedy or Acid Trip Filmmaking?

Watching Bloodsucka Jones vs. The Creeping Death is like bingeing a VHS mixtape of horror spoofs, stoner sketches, and forgotten public access gems. At times, it’s hilarious in its absurdity; other times, you might feel like your brain has left the building and is filing a formal complaint.

The plot is baffling. I went back, watched the intro twice, read other reviews, even re-listened to the prologue, and I still couldn’t fully piece it together. Either this movie is smarter than all of us, or it’s just running on pure genre chaos. I’m leaning toward the latter.

Style Over Substance, But There’s Some Style

Some moments genuinely work. There’s an enthusiasm in the way this was shot that can’t be ignored. The film glows, literally, and has enough visual personality to fuel a dozen cosplay events. The special effects? They range from so-bad-it’s-good to “why am I looking at a zoomed-in rubber limb being peeled like fruit?”

Still, when it’s not confusing the hell out of you, it does have moments of clever visual nods to classic horror tropes. Think Evil Dead 2 meets Wayne’s World… if both were made by a team high on gummy worms and Red Bull.

Characters, Cardboard, and Cheedo

Let’s talk about the cast. Performances were solid for a production of this size, and the scale of it all is genuinely impressive. Costuming? Chef’s kiss. Set design? Lovingly chaotic. And Cheedo, oh, Cheedo. Imagine if The Predator had a baby with a laser printer and that baby just wanted to eat ice cream and vibe. That’s Cheedo.

I didn’t connect with any of the characters emotionally, but that’s not really the point, is it? This isn’t horror drama; it’s horror bizarro-comedy-experimentation with zombies, vampires, and half-naked nurses.

Final Thoughts: A Cult Movie in Waiting?

Look, Bloodsucka Jones vs. The Creeping Death isn’t going to be for everyone. It’s a jigsaw puzzle of genre spoofing, and whether it hits or misses depends entirely on your mood, your taste, and possibly your THC levels.

But I’ll give it credit, it goes all-in on its vision. That kind of commitment to chaos deserves respect.

Rating: ★★☆☆☆ — 2 Cheedo Likes Ice Cream Because He’s So Chill out of 5

If you’re into over-the-top, nonsensical, self-aware horror with zero interest in making sense and every intention of being ridiculous, Bloodsucka Jones vs. The Creeping Death might just hit your sweet spot.

Where to Watch

Bloodsucka Jones vs. The Creeping Death is available free with an Amazon Prime subscription or on Blu-Ray if you’re feeling extra committed. Mother of Movies takes care of the lazy too. We got links to stream below.

Directed and Written by

Justin Armao – Produced by The Nitwit Consortium

Budget

Estimated at around $40,000

Cast

• Preston Gant (Little Women L.A.) – Bloodsucka Jones
• Jennifer Runyon (Ghostbusters, Charles in Charge)
• Justin Armao – Stewart
• Alan Maxson (Godzilla: King of the Monsters)
• Matt Kelly
• Mindy Robinson (King of the Nerds)
• Nalini Krishan (Star Wars: Attack of the Clones)
• Maria Canapino
• Jason Trost (The FP, Beats of Rage)
• Jessica Dercks
• Erin Holt

Bloodsucka Jones vs. The Creeping Death Review – Cardboard Carnage, Chaos & Confusion

Director: Justin Armao

Date Created: 2018-04-28 10:17

Editor's Rating:
2

Pros

• Bloodsucka Jones uses practical effects in a fun and comedic way.
• The title has an interesting storyline that includes zombies and sexy nurses.

Cons

• The narrative is not constructed well.
• Set design is not exectuted to a high level which is expected in film.