Silent Bite: A Bloody Christmas Heist You Didn’t See Coming

Silent Bite sinks its teeth into the holiday horror niche, blending Christmas cheer, a chaotic heist, and a bloodthirsty clan of vampires. Directed by Taylor Martin and written by Simon Phillips, this quirky mashup delivers a wild ride through festive crime and undead carnage.

Simon Phillips (The Nights Before Christmas) not only co-writes but also shines as the film’s best actor, portraying “Scrooge,” the no-nonsense leader of a gang of Santa-clad bank robbers.

A Chaotic Clash of Blood and Christmas

The plot kicks off with a high-energy 90-second bank robbery. It is executed by “The Boys,” a gang of Santas and one elf (because why not). Their disguises and decoys buy them time to hole up at the Jolly Roger Inn, a neon-lit roadside motel straight out of a horror movie. They are unaware that the inn is home to a clan of vampires. The clan is led by the seductive and sinister Mother (Sayla de Goede).

The film revels in its campy tone, from Blake (aka Prancer) stabbing a vampire with a spoon to grenades filled with UV rays exploding into gory chaos. The soundtrack’s upbeat Christmas tunes juxtapose the unfolding carnage, and the snowy backdrop adds an atmospheric chill to the bloodshed.

The Strengths

Phillips’ portrayal of Scrooge is the film’s greatest strength. He balances his criminal mastermind persona with just enough humor to keep things entertaining. His performance anchors the film with a mix of gravitas and wry humor that elevates even the most outlandish scenes. The Jolly Roger Inn is a well-designed setting, packed with ominous details like room 666, secretive front desk staff, and a vampire clan building their “family.” Mother, played with eerie poise by de Goede, is a memorable antagonist who exudes menace with every line.

What Doesn’t Bite Hard Enough

The movie’s humor is hit-or-miss, with an overuse of F-bombs and C-bombs that dulls the impact of some genuinely clever moments. While the concept is fresh, the execution falters. Some plot threads feel thrown in without much payoff. Why do the vampires pick this night to pounce? Why does the hotel manager willingly help both sides? It’s all a bit muddled. The humor also lands unevenly; too many language-fueled dialogue moments and awkward exchanges risk overshadowing wittier moments.

The romance subplot between Blake and Genie (Camille Blott) is rushed. It’s not entirely convincing. But hey, this isn’t Shakespeare.

Verdict

While Silent Bite doesn’t aim to be a holiday horror masterpiece, it delivers enough laughs, gore, and festive weirdness to warrant a watch. It’s best enjoyed with friends who appreciate campy chaos and aren’t afraid to embrace a little yuletide bloodshed.

Silent Bite is rated

2 Christmas Vampire movies to drink eggnog to out of 5

Additional Details

• Distributor: Cleopatra Entertainment (Canada.)
• Writer-Director: Simon Phillips and Taylor Martin
• Main Cast:
  • Simon Phillips as Scrooge
  • Sayla de Goede as Mother
  • Luke Avoledo as Blake (Prancer)
  • Camille Blott as Genie

Where to Watch Silent Bite

Worldwide distribution Blue Eyes Media. Silent Bite is streaming on Hoopla in the USA. For more ways to stream this mediocre heist movie check the below link.

Because December is all about Christmas, here are some other titles you should watch in the horror niche: The Leech Movie | A Creature Was Stirring Review | The Apology or Christmas Bloody Christmas.

Silent Bite Trailer

The trailer is awesome though, props to whoever put it together. Watch it on Youtube.