The VelociPastor Dinosaur Schlock You Need to Watch

There is quite a lot of chatter from those that have seen The VelociPastor. Also, just in case you were curious, this dinosaur horror-comedy VelociPastor is available to watch on various streaming platforms. The fact of the matter is, I found myself stifling quite a few chuckles. I totally appreciated a lot of the film’s production work and despite everything, I’m here to recommend this gem. This film was so well received, there is a VelociPastor sequel coming. Cohan steals the show. His co-star Alyssa Kempinski plays a hooker. Some of the conversations the two have are pretty humorous. Subsequently, none of the cast annoyed me one bit. Sure there are a few over-the-top characters but all blend together nicely.

Is The Film Really About a Priest Who Turns Into A Dinosaur?

In short, yes. The priest played by a relatively unknown Greg Cohan watched his parents die in an explosion. Naturally, he questions his faith. Doug the priest is advised to go somewhere God will not follow and once in China, he gets bestowed a claw bone which enables him to transform into a dinosaur.

I know what you’re thinking. It sounds ridiculous and on paper it is. However, a lot of the reasons I usually dislike films like this, are taken away in this film. Camerawork used in movies of this kind often adds fuel to the fire of disappointment and music that accompanies low-budget schlock leaves you simply thinking about who they got to play the synthesizer. You never remember the story you’ve just seen.

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The Music in VelociPastor is Also Streaming for Free

The score here reduces the glare of the cheese. It creates a great contrast to what would otherwise be an uneventful journey. Instead of using music to play into the silliness, here it manages a balance to take it down a peg. In the latter half, there’s a particularly gaudy montage. It features weird reaching hands among other things and plays out to the tune of “I Didn’t Even Have Time to Think” by Math the Band. Somehow it made for a completely enjoyable visual experience instead of the usual gross-out one, one would expect.

The cinematography in The VelociPastor seems to have captured the essence of the extreme close-up and used it to an advantage. Over the course of the film, this technique alongside the actor’s hilarious facial expressions was done really well. There are other small delights you’ll notice if you’re paying attention to. Small details in the background and qualities lift the film to another level altogether.

I’m not saying this movie is doing anything many haven’t done before. I’m just saying VelociPastor did it better. And don’t even get me started on the micro-budget The VelociPastor was made on. A meager $35 000 USD apparently and Steere went a few extra miles to add his own touches to the finished product.

The Special Effects & Prosthetics

You wouldn’t go into a film like this expecting Jurassic World effects and you shouldn’t here. The gore here is not high intensity nor frequent. What it is though, is fun where it needs to be executed in a way that won’t disappoint you when you do see it. There are some prosthetics loosely based on something I think was intended to look like dinosaurs’ hands but unfortunately do not, but it’s certainly no worse than many log-like crocodiles I’ve seen from time to time.

Overall, the story and social commentary combined with the various quality production ideas all work in harmony. There are different ideas like thoughts on the monsters within us, drugs and religion, and priests and their bad reputations that made me think of this movie as a standout in this niche of bad-horror comedy.

I’m not promising you roll-on-the-floor-laughter but I do guarantee a smirk from time to time at the very least. I did have a good laugh-out-loud moment and I hope if you watch it, you have one too.

The VelociPastor movie is rated

3.5 That time you turned into a dinosaur and ate someone out of 5

Nick Shesit – Podcaster and Website

Nick is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of The Sheist. He is also the host of The Sheist Podcast and Bad Movies We Love, and the Founder of The Sheist International Film Club. You can find his film reviews and more at

Where to Watch Velocipastor for Free

The Velocipastor is streaming on:

When is the VelociPastor Sequel Coming?

Straight from Twitter in March 2020, came a picture of the script for the new VelociPastor being printed out. As of 2023, IMBd.com shows the film is in post-production. Can we expect a VelociPastor Universe? Will there be a whole bunch of different church affiliates turning into dinosaurs? I want a sequel for VelociPastor and I want it now. Greg Cohan is ace and should be in more films. Stay tuned to the Mother of Movies Facebook Page because I am honed in on this information. And don’t forget to tune into the below podcast (also on Apple iTunes) to hear Mother of Movies and Nick Sheist talk all things The Velocipastor.

Brendan Steere

Writer-director Brendan Steere has a previous film, Animosity. It’s renting cheaply but has been picked up by Wild Eye Releasing and it’s completely different and completely awesome.

Need More Dinosaur Horror Movies While You Wait for the VelociPastor Sequel?

• Carnosaur (1993) known for its quality practical effects
• The Valley of Gwangi (1969) with a solid rating of 6/10 it’s probably worth a shot
• 100 Million BC is a big-budget film made in 2008.