Vampire films aren’t usually romantic. But Meridith Edwards’s sophomore feature film puts the love into all things bloodsucker in Bite Me. The comedy and drama movie was written by and cast with its lead star Naomi McDougall Jones as Sarah. Sarah is a vampire. Together with two of her friends, she lives out her days locating tombstones in graveyards for a flat fee. Her ex-husband runs with a separate group nowadays but they still get together from time to time so that Sarah can feed. That’s right, in this vampire movie, vampires can feed off other vampires. But that’s not all.

Vampires Don’t Bite

The Bite Me film, as an idea, is a playful suggestion that not all vampires are the same. In fact, in this narrative, they aren’t even really vampires. At least not in the traditional fantasy way the general public is used to. The story plays out more along the lines of getting an inside peek into groups that really do exist and genuinely believe they are not entirely human.

In Bite Me, Sarah explains a few times that they aren’t supernatural vampires. Her group consists of a belief system where they lack the vital energy required to get through the day. They dress in a similar style to what a vampire would be perceived to look like. But things like fangs and anything else truly vampire is an additional extra that needs to be glued on.

Bringing a contemporary feel to an already odd universe, Sarah’s ex-husband decided to out himself to the world. When the clip goes viral, the vampire groups find themselves in the firing line of the IRS. After all, they consider themselves to be a church, so none have paid taxes for some time. While this story arc was not what I was expecting, it did make the general theme of the film interesting. What did make the overall run-time feel way longer than it was, is that not all that much happens in Bite Me.

The gags while mildly anecdotal, weren’t all that funny. They consisted mainly of vague correlation remarks about popular vampire films like the Twilight film franchise. Other comedic premises simply revolved around a busybody called Faith popping in with religious god-bothering sentiments.

The Bite Me Film Lacks Bite

Casting for Bite Me was wildly impressed with most of the recognizable faces. Christian Coulson (Harry Potter), Annie Golden (Orange Is The New Black), and Naomi Grossman (American Horror Story) all appear and do their best with what they are tasked with. Also, surprising was learning the film was never picked up after its festival run. Bite Me was distributed by the producers of the film and, shown in theatres around the country. The film’s producers rented an RV, created a docu-series, and took their independent feature film on the road. So while this movie wasn’t entirely my cup of tea, if that’s not impressive, then I don’t know what is.

The Bite Me movie is rated

2.5 Mundanes aren’t vampires, they’re just people out of 5

2.5 film review skulls out of 5 — 2.5 film review skills out of 5

Mother of Movies score

All images are courtesy of Blue Firefly Films and Kali Pictures.

The Bite Me movie was watched as a screener. For where to watch the film yourself, it’s available from the 8th of February 2022 as a digital download in Canada, the UK, the USA, and Ireland. For more information see the film’s Facebook page.