Killer Kites 2023 Will Murder Your Brain Cells

I’m all for microbudget filmmakers. Mother of Movies has supported independent cinema since its inception. I also like a cult classic movie that gains notoriety or popularity on the heels of a good time despite it all. Think The Velocipastor or The Special. And then there are movies like Killer Kites. The idea is cute coming from a horror point of view. There were excitable social media posts around the release of the movie trailer which did make me think I should watch Paul Dale and Austin Frosch-directed production hot off the heels of their previous film, Sewer Gators.

The title alone gives you all the information you need to know about the storyline in Killer Kites. But if that’s not enough, there is a backstory about an ancient kite passed down through generations. This antique with killer instinct quickly takes out the brother of a woman called Abby after she shows him that their grandmother left it in her will.

Once the kite has finished its murderous deed it flies away on a recruitment mission and continues its stealthy rampage. If you’re thinking of watching Killer Kites for some gore-laden death scenes and bloody violence, think again. This title doesn’t even come close to showing any kind of carnage. That is, aside from a CGI red flash similar to what you see in any comic book when Batman says “Pow.”

After that, Abby begins investigating the kite’s insidious past. She recruits a group of people who vow not to lose their penises or die as this particular monster is known for doing. Then it’s discovered that kites like bread. So they head to the Kuntz Yeast Bread Festival so that the dialogue can use the word Kuntz as many times as possible.

Bad Movies With Killer Kites

The sound quality is shocking. Performances are geared towards whatever type of range the actor or actress wants to present. The characters are posied in a way that provides as much incoherence as possible.

None of which was appealing unless you like people yelling their lines for no reason. I wanted to find Killer Kites humourous for at least the most part. However, between low-brow toilet humor and jokes that are meant to be sexually charged but hit differently, they never land. If I had anything positive to say about Killer Kites it would be that it opens with a catchy tune about a Killer Kite. There were also a few gags announced by a newsreader from time to time that were slightly funny.

Aware of the fact, that some people revel in the depths of these types of films I’d love to hear why you love them, drop me a message and I’ll add a quote to the review.

Killer Kites is rated

1 “Much like Shaggy, I’m glad it wasn’t me” out of 5

Killer Kite Movie Trailer

Kites Movie, Where to Watch

Killer Kites is available from the company’s website on DVD and Blu-Ray. It’s also streaming on Prime Video in the UK.

Starring Austin Naulty, Manon Pages, and Carter Simoneaux.