Cocaine Shark Movie OMG My Eyes

I wasn’t expecting a genius level of comedy, CGI, acting, or narrative when I requested an advance copy of Cocaine Shark. However, I was expecting more than I had. At the least, I was hoping to be mildly entertained. With an extremely short runtime (70 minutes) and spurred on by the novel success of “Cocaine Bear” watching this film was an absolute nightmare. I can understand wanting to ride the wave of cinema buzz following how much moviegoers loved the idea of a wild animal on cocaine. There are even subsequent films like “Meth Gator” and “Cocaine Cougar”, both listed on IMBD.com and released in 2023. However, Cocaine Shark has nothing going for it.

If the Cocaine Shark movie trailer was the warning for a feature film’s worth, I should’ve taken the hint. The full version of the title gives little effort on a maximum scale. For most of the film, there is an arduous echoing. I think this warbled voice structure was supposed to pass as an inner monologue effect. Instead, it made me want to find the nearest ocean and see if a shark could put me out of my misery.

Animals That Love Cocaine

More to the point, Cocaine Shark could have been given a pass had it tried to at least win off the back of the idea from whence it came. However, judging by the filmmaker’s previous catalog, I should have known better. Perhaps a parody featuring some of the antics of Cocaine Bear might have been a nice idea. I for one would have loved to see a shark on the hunt for more cocaine. Fuelled only by its first dose of mayhem. Absent-mindedly ripping up local waters and ripping off classic shark movie titles.

Instead, Cocaine Shark opens with one of the most whiney drug dealers on the planet. I found most of the characters monotone and uninteresting. Scripting could only have been worse if they had somehow managed to get a shark to write it.

Shark Movies We Hate

The narrative follows a mafia drug lord who creates a pill. It kinda sorta gives people who take it Freddy Kruger-like killing abilities where their dreams turn them into some kind of crab hammerhead creature. There is no gore and no effects that look better than stock samples that sometimes move. None of the green screen effects are remotely convincing. The cast looks off in the wrong direction and the aspect of depth is completely off. Overall the film doesn’t try to be cohesive and the storyline makes me look more kindly upon Asylum films.

I watched a few YouTube reviews to ensure I wasn’t simply an unenthusiastic bystander bashing a film geared toward being a bit of foolish fun. My favorite was by Rashad G Reviews and let me tell you, he is just as frustrated as Mother of Movies. Another short review from Did You Z That! Opens his review by taking a pill that allows him to rewatch other movies instead of having watched Cocaine Shark. A great idea I agree. I laughed more during those two reviews than I did during the entire Cocaine Shark movie.

Where to Watch Cocaine Shark

On that note, Cocaine Shark is simply not worth the time in explaining how truly wasteful running electricity to watch this is.

Should you wish to judge it for yourself:

The DVD Bonus features include trailers, animation out-takes, and a director’s commentary.

Cocaine Shark is available now on VOD. It was released on DVD on July 11 by Wild Eye Releasing.

Cocaine Shark is rated

1 Someone please make a proper cocaine shark movie out of 5

• Cocaine Shark is directed by Mark Polonia.
• Witten by Bando Glutz.
• Cocaine Shark is cast featuring Samantha Coolidge, Ryan Dalton, Natalie Himmelberger, and Titus Himmelberger.

Cocaine Shark Parent Guide

If you’re looking for non-gory effects that match or exceed the quality of stock samples, Cocaine Shark has all that. Some of which include motion. Special effects and blood spatter are close to non-existent. The title in itself points towards the use and sale of drugs and other substances that can not be deemed as “family-friendly” viewing.