The Valentine’s Slasher That’s Weirdly Pro-Love – Heart Eyes Review

Whether or not you think romance is dead is beside the point, because in Heart Eyes, couples are.

At first glance, this Valentine’s Day horror comedy feels like it’s got a bone to pick with love. A masked killer is on a mission, targeting duos who are sickeningly smitten. But as the film unfolds, something unexpected happens; it stops being a takedown of romance and quietly becomes a love letter to it. In an age where anti-love narratives thrive, Heart Eyes doesn’t just buck the trend; it stabs right through it.

A Horror Rom-Com That’s Not What You Think

Ally (our unlucky protagonist) isn’t exactly in the mood for romance. Fresh off a rough patch, she’s mostly focused on surviving the daily grind with her best friend Monica (Gigi Zumbado). She was on the rise in her career until she got fired for making one of the coolest jewelry commercials ever. The ad, framed around notorious couples meeting their doom, replaces blood with elegant ribbons in a darkly poetic sequence. It’s the kind of campaign that deserved an award, but instead, it got her a pink slip.

Meanwhile, the Heart Eyes Killer’s spree is making headlines. Their signature? A simple cloth mask with heart-shaped eyes, small throwing knives, crossbows, and a sword, precision over theatrics. But Heart Eyes doesn’t lean too heavily into the gore. It adopts the less-is-more approach, making each kill count without overindulging. The newly engaged couple’s demise is particularly cruel, but given how obnoxious they are, it lands as both brutal and darkly funny.

Ally and Jay – The Couple That Isn’t (But Definitely Is)

The heart of Heart Eyes (pun absolutely intended) is Ally and Jay, the two leads who aren’t technically a couple but have all the chaotic energy of a rom-com duo. Think Reese Witherspoon meets Ryan Gosling, quick-witted, reluctant to admit their chemistry, but inevitably drawn together.

As the killer closes in, their dynamic carries the film. They survive not because they’re smarter than the doomed lovebirds before them, but because they aren’t actually dating, yet. This little genre trick allows the film to subvert its own premise while pushing them toward a classic romance arc. The movie may start by punishing couples, but by the end, it’s fully invested in making sure these two get their moment.

Cinematic Style, Soundtrack, and That Ending

Visually, Heart Eyes is stylishly framed, leaning into its rom-com influences with warm lighting and soft-focus moments, before undercutting them with sharp, eerie shadows. The soundtrack is a mixtape dream. It blends all the best romantic mix-tape specials with an undercurrent of eerie synth. This reminds you that love is, in fact, deadly.

The showdown sequence feels ripped straight from a classic horror movie poster. As the killer is unmasked, the characters (and audience) are left grappling with a lingering question: Who even is this guy? It’s a meta moment, playing into the idea that slashers often over-explain their villains. Heart Eyes sidesteps that entirely, keeping the comedy as dry as its blade is sharp.

Final Verdict

More than just a seasonal horror flick, Heart Eyes is a Valentine’s Day Gone Wrong type of flick for all year round. It weaves together deadpan humor, a fresh take on slasher conventions, and a surprising amount of heart (pun still intended). For another film, F Marry Kill is a BuzzFeed B-Movie for those nights when you just need to turn your brain right off.

Heart Eyes is rated

4.5/5 🎯
Roses are red, violets are blue, guess who just took a picture of you?

Main Cast:

• Katerina Tannenbaum as Ally
• Mason Gooding as Jay
• Gigi Zumbado as Monica
• Sung Kang as Detective Lewis
• David Koechner as The Boss

Director Trivia:

The film is directed by Josh Ruben (Scare Me.) He previously worked in the indie horror scene. He gained recognition for his knack for blending sharp humor with suspenseful storytelling. His background in cinematography gives Heart Eyes a visually rich and distinct style, setting it apart from typical holiday slashers.

Written by: Phillip Murphy (Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard), Christopher Landon (Happy Death Day 2U), and Michael Kennedy (It’s a Wonderful Knife.)

Distributed by: Screen Gems, Paramount Pictures, Republic Pictures. Heart Eyes hit Australian cinemas on February 13th, 2025. With a director-writer team like that, how could I not see this as soon as possible? And you should too.